Socializing with other children is such an important part of development but can be a challenge for our children who process their world a little differently. Check out these tips below to promote success at any playdate!

Have your playdate be the major event for that day. Peers can be unpredictable and navigating those social situations can be quite a challenge. Help set your child up for success by allowing time to prepare and decompress before and after the playdate. See the bottom of this article for a sample sensory diet.

Bring snacks! Making sure your child is fed, has slept well, and is feeling well prior to your date. Playing with friends can be hard work, so making sure your child is up for it is step one for success!

Pre-determine where your playdate will be. Help prepare your child by talking about it a few days or weeks prior, showing pictures of the child/children they will be playing with and the location it will take place.

Try to limit the number of children involved in the playdate. One on one is ideal for an initial playdate. Add in siblings or additional peers as your child becomes more comfortable with peer interactions.

Pick your child’s play partners with purpose. Try to find a predictable peer who is interested or able to engage in the same type of play as your child.

Be aware of the environment of the playdate. If your child is typically sensitive to loud noises or crowds, consider holding the playdate in a familiar, more controlled environment.

Practice games or play ideas with your child prior to your playdate to promote ideation. Learning how to play a new game AND engage in social problem solving (sharing, turn-taking, etc.) can be overwhelming. Bring along a favorite game or activity if the playdate is not at your house to give your child an idea. Work on challenging one skill at a time. Once your child is successful with the first couple of playdates, you can try something new!

Pair gestures with verbal output (gesturing by tapping your hand to your chest while saying “my turn”) can help your child initiate communication during peer interactions. You can then use this same gesture during a playdate to remind your child how to ask and support that interaction, promoting self-advocacy skills and independence.

Teach your child some simple strategies to resolve common social conflicts, such as offering a toy to trade when asking for a toy that a friend is already playing with. Practicing these types of conflicts with you, a predictable and familiar adult, can help your child learn and remember these strategies. They may need some reminders from you at the moment but can eventually start to utilize these strategies all by themselves!

For a playdate with a new peer or in a new place, be an active play partner with your child. Use a strategy that we call “scaffolding,” where you provide a lot of support initially, fading those supports as your child is successful. Don’t forget to provide LOTS of praise to your child when they are able to engage with peers successfully. This will help build your child’s confidence and comfort with peers.

Bring along a just-in-case bag (check our sensory kit blog for ideas) and set up a way for your child to ask for a break prior to going on the playdate.

Finally, have fun! Playdates can be a great time for you to socialize as well.

Sample Sensory Diet for Playdate

Before the playdate:

• Provide deep pressure o bear hugs, wrap tightly in a blanket, squeezes to arms and legs o carrying/pushing heavy items, crawling, or rolling

• Play calming or relaxing music in the car or background

• Limit screen time

During the Playdate:

Keep an eye on your child for signs that they are reaching their threshold. Increased wiggling or difficulty sitting still, increase in rough and tumble play, or resistance to things that are typically easy for them can be signs that your child needs a break. When this happens:

• Provide deep pressure in a calming, quiet environment away from others to help.

• Use a quick guided mediation or quiet music to help reset After the Playdate:

• Allow your child some self-directed play and downtime.

• Talk with your child about how the playdate went, providing praise for things that went well. If there were challenges, talk together about how that made them feel and potential strategies they could use in the future.

Talk to your child’s team for specific strategies for you and your child!

Illinois’ recent shelter in place policy has us all missing our friends and connecting with others. Kids may not be able to play at the park or participate in their normal play dates, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be social while social distancing! Many parents are working from home and found creative ways to use technology to continue to attend meetings, meet with clients, and carry out all our “office” responsibilities at home. Why not incorporate some of these new and creative communication apps with our kids?! This blog gives tips and ideas for activities to help facilitate a successful virtual play date.

Lets talk about virtual play dates and the benefits of them. One of the most important and helpful things parents can do for their child with Autism is to give them plenty of opportunities to interact socially with others.

Skype, Zoom, and Google Hangout are all great (and free!) options to facilitate play dates for your kids. They’ll enjoy getting to virtually see their friends and the chance to show friends what their homes look like. These video calls can be a great way for your child to build connections with classmates and peers. Try giving a friend a virtual tour of your home, have your son/daughter show their friends their most favorite toy, engage in pretend play, or even take a walk “together” via FaceTime.

A few additional helpful hints:

1. Choose a familiar peer that is your child’s age or slightly older.
2. Consider your environment
   1. Be mindful of the room you are in. If you are in your child’s playroom, his friend may be distracted with all the novel toys he sees in the background. It may be helpful to limit the amount of toys or plan a specific activity so the children do not become overwhelmed or have difficulty with play ideas.
3. Remember to incorporate social skills!
   1. During a designated activity you can prompt your kiddo with conversation starters, reminders to take turns, etc.
4. Use Visual Schedules
   1. If your child typically works with a visual play schedule, you should use this during the play date.  Your child’s visual schedule is associated with “game time”, following the rules, taking turns, using certain phrases or signs, and many other positive behaviors.  In effect, the schedule is a cue to your child to demonstrate these adaptive play skills.  Using this schedule will help your child generalize these positive behaviors to new situations and new friends.
5. Different children will need different levels of facilitation during play dates.  This will depend on their ages, levels of functioning, social skills, and language skills.
6. Video play dates will take some getting use to and may be shorter than traditional play dates. That’s okay! Any socialization during this time is beneficial!

Along with traditional video conferencing platforms there are some kid-specific apps you can download to help facilitate virtual play dates. Caribu, Messenger Kids, Marco Polo, and Netflix Party go beyond Skype and FaceTime calls. Note these apps are geared towards older kids. Below are brief descriptions of each app.

Caribu: This video-calling app is currently free and kids can read books from the 1,000-plus titles together, play games and color during a video call. “Everything we do is about creating more meaningful connections, and that’s what we think is most important right now — keeping families connected in the most engaging way. We’re like Zoom for kids!” says Caribu CEO and Co-Founder Max Tuchman.

Messenger Kids: This app allows kids 6-12 to video chat and message friends and family, with challenges, drawings and filters. Plus, they can use it to collaborate on homework with a study group or talk about group projects.

Marco Polo: Just like the game Marco Polo, with your kids calling out Marco to see who will answer “Polo,” kids can reach out to friends and family with this video chat app easily. It’s nice because you can chat and play live in a group or, if the person you are connecting with isn’t available, the app records the message for them to view later.

Simon Says: This is a fun game to work on imitation, attention and listening skills. Don’t forget, you are out if you do the action of the person who is “it” and they don’t say “Simon Says”

Netflix Party: Great for older kids! They can watch their favorite shows and movies with their friends.